Wednesday, 28 September 2011

Irish presidential race

Now lets hope it never get to that stage that Dublin does disappear and he can get on with the usual presidential duties

Irish presidential election

There is only one person that should be made president of Ireland and thats Senator Norris.  He is the only person for the Job. Apart from his fine rhetoric skills ,genial disposition and flamboyant flair the senator is the only person I know who has actually read the James Joyce Novel Ulysses and by all accounts actually understands it.
This Urban Novel is not an easy read but the Senator has become a world authority on it,many seek his counsel and then pretend they have read it . The significance of all this lies in a quote by James Joyce to Frank Budgen in 1918,Budgen being the author of "James Joyce and the making of Ulysses",what he said was "I want to give a picture of Dublin so complete that if the city suddenly disappeared from the earth it could be reconstructed out of my book"
Now For Dublin to disappear is not such an outlandish possibility when you consider all the natural disasters happening all over the world .
No we shouldnt be suprised to wake up some morning to find Dublin gone and a Field in its place.
Who are we going to call on to rebuild our city? ,we cant really rely on  the Builders or property developers in the light of how we all finished up after them.
No this time we are going to do things different ,we need the services of President Norris to rebuild our city . Now admittely things have changed since Ulysses was written ,like they wasnt any of those fast food joints around  and no Coppers face Jacks  then,but we can live without those anyway ya we would actually live longer without them literally. Dublin could be rebuilt to all it Georgian splendor with the help of our president

Sunday, 18 September 2011

The scourge of Telemarketers

They ring you at ackward hours of the day trying to sell you stuff you dont need or want  or worse the other sort of cold callers who want to gain access to you pc and empty youre bank account of all its contents.
I was in a good mood this evening when a women rang me telling me I had a problem with my pc and she was calling to help.I told her I will be speaking in English for the first minute then switching to spanish for the second minute afterwhich I will be moving to a two minute stint of Chinese and rounding the whole lot off with a bit of mongolian ,I will then be going into a big oven for a further 3 mins comming out when I have gone golden brown,Dessert will be fresh Indonesian sprinkled with some pidgeon English.She hung up just before dessert I think and I havent had any calls since,but its early days yet.

Old Shoes

I had being looking at my almost three year old shoes  latley knowing the end was near for these two. I couldnt wear them when it was wet and the stitching had come apart in a couple of different places.It was my second pair of these particular type of shoes made from the finest Yak hide,ya I decided to give the cows a break for a while and go Yak.Shoes made from Yak hide are very popular in Tibet apparently,its all the go there.I got these pair on Christmas week 2008 and after a few home repairs I  couldnt deny it any longer these shoes had their day.I wanted to give them a decent and dignified end but where ?and how.I left the shoes quitely under the bed while I came up with a plan. I had taken the shoes out on a few dry days over the past few months but it only prolonged the agony the support was now going a I might as well have being wearing no shoes at all for all the protection I was getting.I put them quitely away again a few days ago,but imagine my horror when I came home to discover the two shoes in the bin,feet first in the air.They had being dumped by a member of the household.I looked on in horror and disbelief.This time I knew It was for the best.I tucked them in completely closed the lid and said goodbye.

Tuesday, 13 September 2011

When I heard the conversation was heading towards  women problems I knew it was time to step aside and make myslef scarce,but I never expected these  "womens problems" to involve a trip to the ATM and the problems to disappear with the purchase of a new pair of shoes.Following the purchase of these medicinal shoes a miraculous recovery from these "womens problems" ensued.I am having an idea to carry a pair of shoes at all time should I come upon any unfortunates to be suffering from such a malady.I have begun to recognise the symptoms now,a glazed look upon viewing a pair of shoes the more expensive the worse things get, a rant about how good all our lives could be with these shoes ,I have seen some women almost abandon their children durning the onset of this serious malady.I have no solution to this problem except maybe to delibrately set the fire alarm off in the shop by blowing smoke into the  smoke detector in the toilets and shout fire fire at the top of youre voice.

Monday, 12 September 2011

Lagging Jacket

Just purchased a lagging Jacket.Its looks so cosy.Pity to have to use it on an
inanimate object.Could a compromise be sought.I have an idea to sow some of it into the lining of my jacket ,they should be plently left over to actually use it for the purpose it was designed for.

Sunday, 11 September 2011

Baby muscle building

A friend of mine who just had a baby was doing all the goo goo ga ga things you do when you have a baby .This baby was crying,yes this baby was no different to most babies. My friend proceeded to lift the baby up and down in the carry cot and it occured to me that as well as settling the baby he himslef was getting a fine bicep workout throughout all of this movement.

Saturday, 10 September 2011


Added to my list of time wasting excercises Housework has to be top of the list ,but despite saying this it has its advantages.I would be of the school of thought similar to that of  quenton crisp who once said that after the third year of not cleaning the dust doesnt get any worse,like it comes to a plateau,stalemate.The dust sort of gives up and goes elsewhere.
Now yesterday I decided to stop short of the three years and tackle this somewaht dusty and untidy house of mine. Durning the course of this undertaking I was resting by the banister of the stairs having taken off my face mask when I noticed what looked like a handle amongst boxs and boxs of eighties records ,I moved the stuff in the way and to my astonishment discovered there was a door I couldnt remember ever seeing before.I know theres dust and theres dust but this takes the biscuit,I have heard of people loosing things like Business and things like that,I even know a friend of mine who once lost an aerplane but to find a room in a house I couldnt ever remeber being in before tops all that. With much effort I managed to open and enter the room .It didnt seem familiar to me at all .I wondered was it my neighbour who inadvertently put a door his side by mistake ,like a door where no door should be.But there was one big difference this room was spotless in stark contrast to life on the other side of the door.